And so I begin this latest update in a random, but very tired mood 
It’s certainly been an eventful weekend thats for sure!
Well starting with Thursday, and I walked through the door Thursday night, to find a letter from the Po-leece saying I’d been caught speeding! Bastard!!!!!! 11 years I’d gotten away with nil points, and thought I could finish the season along the same lines as our side on Sunday, but it wasn’t to be Nipped to Tesco straight from work, and decided to fill up the freezer and cupboards a little, and treated myself to “Run, Fat Boy, Run” Which could have been based on Maddsy (Hell It could even still, if he decides to run a Marathon, as highly unlikely as that is tho )
Friday was a quietish day tbh, with Maddsy, Mark and Zoe all disappearing over to Eventure, to sort out how to read the internet stats and things, in the afternoon, so I had Zoe asking me what sort of questions she should be asking them, and I said basically… When you’re there, ask Mark and Maddsy what THEY wanna know from the stats End of the day she’s gonna be reporting them to them pair, so let them make it known what they want, and then let Eventure tell you how to find them! 
Got home Friday and collapsed on the settee for a bit, before deciding to get ready and brave the Manor Complex for a game of footy. Wasn’t the best game, but I was on fire in front of goal, helped very much by Tom and Graham Once I’d gotten back from there all sweaty and tired, I had a soak in the bath, and ignored Bagi’s texts calling me gay for not wanting to go out that night, which included him sending me the same photo about 3 times, will be uploaded when I get in. Got myself a pizza, and then sat chatting to one or two folks on msn, whilst watching some programs on the computer.
Had set my alarm for bout 7:45ish, and made my way into work just after8, with the mission of getting the artwork sorted out, and printed for this nice little job we’ve got in! Crit aint exactly over the moon about it, but hey ho Managed to beat theMac at a game of Chess Took me enough attempts And also started on another 5 colour job, to try and get through alot of the artwork thats coming in, and managed to re-draw another 2 logos 
All in all a busy few hours at work. God bless Apple for putting Itunes on their Macs. Meant I was able to import some tunes from my portable hard-drive, and listen to them through the speakers hahaha!
Left work, and nipped to Tesco and bought my nephew a new “Bristle” Bob the Builder toy for easter, and nipped over to see my mum for half an hour, before nipping back to Tesco to get something to drink, and then headed home. Had a chat with Becca on the phone, and she invited me on an Easter Egg hunt at CP, well not so much invited me, but begged me to go and help, but I said the inner child in me, which makes all the decisions and things (maybe why I get so many wrong 
) said that I wanted to be one of the kids on the Easter Egg Hunt So we agreed that it’d be best if I stayed at home, out of trouble HAHAHA! Ended up finishing season 3 of One Tree Hill, and set about getting Season 4 Sad I know. Great to see the Stags win, but also almost all the other teams around them also won, which made it vital they did get the 3 points! Lets hope they can win their game in hand, and also beat County in a few games time, and put the Magpies in the relegation zone
Got chatting to John on msn, and he asked me if I was going out, cos he was going for a meal with Carolyn, then going into town. After first saying I was gonna sulk at home, after some news I’d had earlier in the day, and him calling me gay (which always seems to get me to do whatever) I decided that if he rang me when he was on his way into town I’d drive down and meet him. Took my time to get ready, and got a text bout 11ish saying he was just about to head into town, so after a quick stopat ASDA, parked up and met them in the top spoons. There was John, Day and Orwin, and Day and Orwin were making me piss. Day decided that he was gonna experiment with his drinks, and one had mint leaves and lime in, along with Bacardi, Lemonade and eventually… Sambuca Then he decided to buy some Blue Aftershocks, and add Cherry WKD to it. It smelt like Mouthwash, and looking at the three of thems faces when they first tried it, it tasted like it too
After an hour in spoons, and John struggling to finish his drink, due to him being ill, we headed over to Liquid. Was alright in there, and bumped into Andy Draper, who I’d not seen for a long time, and we got chatting bout alsorts, i.e. why he’d seen pictures of my hand bandaged up on facebook, where I was going to the gym, cos I was looking well (what I like to hear ) and if I was still playing football and that. John turned round and commented that I know some right nutters from Kirkby, and I then commented that he knows some right fit ladies Met up with some of Johns work mates and had a laugh watching them all dancing on the dance floor for a bit. Left Liquid bout 10 to 3ish, and Orwin nipped for a Kebab. Had a laugh in the car on the way to dropping them pair off, as Orwin was giving us his detailed plan forwhen he got home.
- See what the Cricket score was
- Eat his kebab
- Watch a bit of Telly
- Turn off his telly
- Go to sleep
HAHAHA! He’s a top bloke. Only met him once before in town. Day is well just Day! Seen him many times, and we have a good laugh. By the time I’d got home it was gone half 3, and I wasn’t feeling too tired, so I started watching the Hitman film. by about 5ish I decided I’d better get some sleep incase I was to play football Sunday morning.
Alarm was set for 9, but for some reason I found myself awake just after 8, so finished watching Hitman, then got my ass ready for football, and then made my way over to Maddsys. Jessica was being an Idiot as usual, and kept mis-pronouncing Apricot, and it was really beginning to piss Stevie off. Met with some of the other lads, including Bobby, who despite being a copper, had graffitied everywhere he possibly could “Bobby for Right Wing” This is a campaign that had been running for a week or so, since he was an unused sub last week A campaign that I fully supported, so long as the next one is “Wiggy and Bobby up for corners” as we’ve got a little bet on who can score first hahaha! Met up at the Acre, and Bobbys joy was soon short lived, as Sammi turned up hahaha!! I started on the bench along with Bobby, who I got to run the line first half. Bobby came on for an injured Scotty, and took his place on the right wing! Dreams do still come true 
I was asked to warm, up then 10 seconds later thrown on in place of Gregg 
Having not had a proper warm up, and thus being bloody cold, I did the only thing I could. The ref gave a VERY generous free-kick left central, and Bagi lined his wall up as usual. I decided to try and cover the post, but was stood atleast 10 yards out. The free-kick curled round the wall, off my head, and flew into the back of the net 
Own Goal!! Gutted, altho I’m blaming Bagi for shit positioning
Match Report:
Our first point of the season.
But cant help feeling a little disappointed that we didnt take all 3 points, but nevertheless its still a point to stop the rot.
We started really slowly from the off and The Red soon took advantage to take the lead and not soon after they were 2 up. From then we started to play the ball around and were slowly coming back into the game, then great play by Moorey set up Winty for his second of the season.
Half-time 1-2
We started the second half alot better than the first but The Red were still creating chances but thanks to Bagi who kept them out. Malc equalised and suddenly our heads were up. We were playing some really neat football across the pitch and were growing in confidence. Malc then added his second and our third of the game to put us 3-2 up.
Then disaster struck, a Red striker tripped over his own bootlace with no one round him and the ref gave a freekick on the edge of our box - Goal 3-3.
Winty had a golden chance to snatch all 3 points right at the death but it was not to be.
Man of the Match was a hard one to call today with all of the Management team picking different players, we have eventually awarded it to Bagi for some key saves and looking back to his best.
Went back to the pub, and took a bit of a ribbing from the lads for costing us our chance at three points, altho I played a mint through-ball to Malc in the dying seconds, who turned his man, and looked destined to score, until he played it through to Winty, who had control that was out of this world, and fluffed a great chance towards the end, when he decided to tackle Maddsy in their penalty area HAHAHA! Decided against nipping to my mums, as I’d already had some chips at the pub, so dropped Maddsy back off at his, and then headed home for a long hot soak in the bath. Found myself asleep on the settee for half the afternoon, then decided it was time to jump in the bath. Ended up chatting to Bagi and Emzi on msn for a bit, feeling absolutely shattered, which watching one or two episodes of Season 4 of One Tree Hill hehehe! Then called it a night.
Tonight is gonna be the first time back at the gym, since I did my hand. It’s feeling OK now, and I can make a fist without any pain, so it’s all gravy. After the gym I’m gonna head over to my mum and dads, and have the dinner they cooked me yesterday, and watch the Birmingham vs Newcastle game on Setanta! Good to see the boys at True Faith have sorted out their web problems! I do enjoy reading their match reports on Mondays during my lunch break, along with the other great things Toon related on the site. Here is their preview for the Birmingham game tonight :D Adios for now Amigos
It’s official then, if you take into account the last eight games of the big five leagues in Europe (including ours) we’re the second worst side on the continent. Only lowly Murcia in Spain have a more desperate record (drawn 1 and lost 7). To make matters worse covering the same number of games and leagues, we have scored the least amount of goals and conceded more than every other team on the continent. Pretty damning stuff eh? Now I’m willing to wager my left nut that the likes of Murcia, Reggina, Caen and Arminia Bielefeld have neither the wage bill or the same ‘quality’ professionals as we have.
On paper, we’re mid-table at worst. Some players at our club need take a very long, hard look at themselves in the mirror and ask: Am I giving 100% to my employer? Can I look the fan who gets £10k a year in the eye and say I gave everything I could? Can I run out in front of 50000 people and not feel totally embarrassed at my lack of guts, determination and drive? Unfortunately, the great majority of our first team squad answer No to all these questions because at the moment they have not proved that they have the ability to answer Yes. Pull your fucking fingers out you mercenary bastards and keep this club in the league. Then swan off and earn a living elsewhere or stay and prove you have the talent, ability and motivation that you claim on your CV. Losing at Birmingham on Monday night is not on the table, not a fucking option. Get it through your skull that we won’t tolerate this shit much longer. Don’t moan to me you’re not fit enough, you’re a fucking professional and have been doing this long enough. Put some extra graft in if you believe you’re unfit. Don’t moan to me because you’re not getting £40000 a week, prove you’re worth it. Don’t malinger for weeks on end with non-existent muscle injuries because you’re a fucking bottler and can’t be arsed. Get yourself fit or fuck off now and save us all the bother. We have 10 games as KK has quite rightly said to save our season. 10 games for the collection of so far useless twats that make up our first team squad to dig deep and save the club from relegation. I’m sure you’ve got more important things to do than read fanzine websites that sad, lonely wankers like me write for but if you are reading this you should be feeling fucking ashamed because an awful lot of us feel exactly like this, used and abused, seduced and abandoned whatever cliché you like. We’re still right behind you, are you right behind us? This rant is far from over…
Birmingham at home on Monday night (17th Live on Setanta) is going to be a very tricky fixture indeed. Serial bell-end Mark Lawrenson has predicted a 1-1 draw on Monday which a lot of us would take right now. Since McLeish took over in November he has only obtained 15 points from a maximum 45 and 10 of them have come at home. They did bust Tottenham’s flush with a 4-1 win last weekend but have also drawn with Derby, Fulham and Reading. The Tottenham result was a freak as they played reasonably well against Portsmouth but eventually ran out of steam. They have a reasonable forward line in Cameron Jerome, Sebastian Larsson, Mikael Forssell and James McFadden with McSheffrey providing ammunition from the wing. These 5 have shared 22 of Birmingham’s 33 league goals between them. The key I suspect will be in stopping McFadden and McSheffrey which an alert Butt and Beye are more than capable of. Although our away record is poor I reckon we’ll still pick up some points on the road, probably here and possibly at West Ham. Martin Taylor is suspended after his leg breaker on Eduardo whilst both Olivier Kapo and Franck Quedrue have long term injuries.
Team News
Injuries
Emre Calf Returns: 22nd March
Carr: Hamstring Returns: 29th March
Milner Foot Returns: 5th April
Given Groin Returns: 12th AprilDoubtful/Unavailable
Viduka: Calf
Ramage: FitnessSuspensions
None
Cards
Butt 12Yellow
Smith 9Yellow & 1Red
N’Zogbia 6Yellow
Faye 4Yellow
Beye 4Yellow
Barton 3Yellow
Milner 3Yellow
Emre 2Yellow & 1Red
Geremi 2Yellow
Taylor 2Yellow
Caçapa 2Yellow
Duff 2Yellow
Owen 2Yellow
Given 2YellowFormation
First of all get Alan Smith out of the first team. He offers us absolutely zero, it seems he is the Terry Mac of the first eleven. In other words, he’s great for morale but fuck all else. The startling lack of mobility in our midfield on Saturday was as predictable as it was depressing. Smith should only be on the bench if there is no other feasible option and should then only be deployed if absolutely necessary. Strict 4-4-2 should be the order of the day here with the emphasis on keeping Birmingham on the back foot from the off. The absence of Milner gives us balance problems on the right and it will be intriguing to see how Keegan copes. Money on Smith then as he’s undroppable. Martins has to start alongside either Owen or Viduka and Charlie should be on the left with Duff dropped to the bench. Personally I would like to see Taylor dropped and replaced by Edgar but I have more chance of pulling ‘Wizards Sleeve’ Lindsay Lohan than this happening.
Probable: Harper, Beye, Taylor, Faye, Enrique, Butt, Smith, Barton, Charlie, Owen and Martins
Subs from: Forster, Caçapa, Geremi, Duff and Viduka
Player Form
Nobody really to pick from as everybody seems completely out of form at the wrong time. This has lasted too long though and a change in fortunes must be expected. Martins showed flashes of the outrageousness that stunned Paul Robinson last season on Saturday, more of this would be welcomed.
Otherwise, Owen was again starved of possession by a pedestrian midfield and Taylor was again at fault for their 3rd goal
Expectations
A point is an absolute minimum; three would have a nation hear a collective sigh of relief from NE1
Opposition Danger Man
McFadden seems to be enjoying his football at Birmingham again but Jerome needs to be handled appropriately by Faye.
Love to Hate
Nobody in particular boils the blood
Referee
Howard Webb. The supposed best referee in England takes charge. Previously took charge of the 0-0 draw with Villa at the beginning of the season and the 1-0 win away at Fulham. Worryingly managed to flash 9 yellows in the Smogs v Reading last week. Webb has been averaging 3.67 cards per game this season.
