Yet another classic match report from the lads over at the True Faith bunker :lol: I love reading these the day after a game, cos they some how manage to turn a shit result into something half amusing 
Hebburn was not built in a day. Those pesky Jarrovians even hired Vikings to try and disturb the re-generation of the capital of the north east, to no avail. King Kev needs time to get to grips with our squad and sort out out the mess we have succumbed to. Don’t get me wrong, he can turn water in to Stella Artois by smiling at it and he can cure penguins of aids and other such diseases which stemmed due to monkeys having sex with trees by singing “head over heels in love” to them but he needs our patience in order for him to sort out the problems we currently have.
Once again, we put in a good shift in the 1st half and then failed to turn up for the 2nd half. Kit-Kats are supposed to be consumed at the break; perhaps that is where we are going wrong? Or perhaps that cretin who chants on those Halifax adverts is doing Karaoke in our dressing room during the interval and is bemusing our players. I’d put Harry Hill’s T.V Burp (best programme on the box) on during the 15 minutes if I was in charge to entertain the players (FIGHT!), hence the reason I am not in charge.
Owen got on the end of a swirling in-swinging Milner cross to nod us in front after 4 minutes, similar to his goal against The Beasts last week. We played some decent stuff and we comfortably dealt with anything Villa had to offer in the 1st 45 minutes and our backline looked solid and resolute. They only really had 1 half chance when Carew glanced a header which Shay easily parried to safety………..and then came the 2nd half.
Idiotic defending led to their Edward Woodward; both Carr and Duff dallied about like a cat wearing slippers which led to them regaining possession and the ball eventually fell to Bouma whose shot from the edge of the box deflected off Sunday, Monday Habib Beye and deceived Shay to nestle in to the corner. The game was completely turned on its head (although I can’t recall seeing it on its feet mind) 2 minutes later when John Carew flicked Young’s corner in via his large shiny bonce. Carr was supposed to be on the post but moved away from it, presumably because it had farted. Shay departed with an injury and was replaced by Harper who immediately made 2 cracking saves to thwart Gardener. After conceding, we capitulate with more ease than that donkey off that “Buckaroo” board game after 1 too many items have been inserted on to it. In fact, the king of origami could not fold as easily as we do. Carew headed in his 2nd on 72 minutes after some textbook “Carry On Defending” from our back-line as the ball pinged about in our box like a pinball machine having a fit. Carr ended the 2nd half in style by needlessly punching the ball in our box and Carew converted the resulting spot kick to seal (or is it Adamski?) his 1st hat trick in English football in the last minute.
We have now conceded an astonishing 12 goals in the 2nd halves of our last 3 away matches and the run of fixtures coming up suggests we might be in that brown substance which elephants gleefully drop off on their way to the shops. Sleeves need to be rolled up and taches need to be trimmed as we are in a battle for survival. Gloria Gaynor survived and I know fine well we will under King Kev – keep the faith.
