Wiggy’s World

Peter Crouch, the Marmite of English football..

Spotted the title on a BBC funny quotes page, so decided to steal it

Well it’s been a mixed weekend really. Friday night I wasn’t feeling too good, so spent most of the night on Call of Duty with some of the lads, before heading for bed bout 1ish! Thats the one problem with playing online! You start off innocently at about 6pm when you get back from work or something, have a few toilet stops, and before you know it… it’s gone 1am Had a good laugh in there, so thats all that matters Including a game against some pretty clued up lads, who basically seem to have no life, and were level 10 Prestige! So basicallythese guys were AMAZING! Every kill was greeted with a “Whoop… GET IN” by our team Tibbzy let Ryan have a go, and you could hear him in the background pissing himself, as a rather pissed ryan was getting killed at every opportunity

Had a bit of a lie in saturday morning, but altho i was knackered, I felt too awake to stay in bed, so got my ass out of bed, sorted myself a drink and some toast out, and messed about in the internet, before I got a text off Maddsy, asking me to ring him whenI was awake Turns out he wanted to use and abuse me yet again!!! This time wanting to know what street Hamleys was on, as he’d gone to London to the theatre or sommat (obviously using his off-shore account with the prices down London Town)

After a few games on Call of Duty I became duly bored of it, it aint got the same appeal as when you and 4 or 5 of your mates are playing and being typical men running round killing and abusing each other (or mainly Tibbzy in our case ) I put the Arsenal game on, and didnt think anything of it that 4 or 5 minutes had gone in the game and there had been an injury. Wasn’t till 30 or so seconds later, and they said it looked like a serious one, and Martin Taylor had been sent off, that I realised it was a bad bad injury. Having seen photos it looks like a career threatening one! Be a shame for someone who was just starting to show some promise in the Premiership never play again, for what was just a mis-timed tackle. Basically Eduardo was too quick for the poor lad! Little bit like when John broke that youths leg almost a year and a half ago It was quite an entertaining game, specially with Gallas’s very professional strop right at the depth, when his team mate gave a penalty away, and he then sat almost crying on the pitch on his own after the game

Watched Kingdom of Heaven after the Arsenal game, altho in the end it was on for too long, so I had to stop it so I had time to get in the bath, and prep myself for a saturday night in town! Managed to get a bath, and sort myself out just before the Newcastle game kicked off. We started well, but once we went a goal behind, when Charlie seemed to go to sleep at the far post, and let Rodney ghost in, it was a case of how many if i’m honest! I had a feeling we’d get beat, maybe 3-0 max, given their great defensive record in the premiership, but I never expected us to make Wes Brown and Michael Carrick look world-beaters! Any team that does that deserves a thumping in my eyes, and we well and truly got one. I’ll admit to almost being in tears afterwards, I was that gutted at the lack of effort and commitment, shown at time

What a totally predictable, embarrassing fucking afternoon at SJP. It’s difficult to put into words the state of our team at the minute but suffice to say of eleven lads in the pub before the match, the most optimistic predicted scoreline was 2-0 to Man United – no-one has got any confidence in this set of wasters and as low as expectations were, this really took the piss. We actually started quite brightly and looked like we wanted to have a go at them without really creating anything but they scored after 20 odd minutes and well, the wheels really came off. Ronaldo, who despite being a twat is an absolutely phenomenal player put over a perfect ball after skinning Beye and Rooney volleyed home, with Charlie absolutely nowhere. It’s been asked before, but where is fucking Enrique? ‘Injured’ like fat tosspot Viduka? Dropped? Who knows? From there we just totally collapsed.

Barton, who is absolute and utter gash gave the ball away and Ronaldo breezed through for a second just before half-time and I don’t think anyone, players included wanted to be there for the second half. The clowns on the Legends bang on and on about pride and passion like it alone will win you football games – that is bollocks of course, but granted it helps. Our lot have absolutely none of it. Ronaldo got their third and sent their fans into full on piss-take mode – Harper was on for Given at that point but he couldn’t have stopped it – a dreadful loss of possession from Faye led to the goal and despite being minging all match he at least got us a consolation from a corner not long after. It was only a consolation though and they were far from finished. Rooney curled home a frankly brilliant goal not long after to make it 4-1. The finish was truly world class and as he celebrated I couldn’t help glancing at our forwards – Smith who is one of the worst footballers I have ever seen play for NUFC (and I’ve been watching us for 25 years and count McDonald, Pingel etc in that list), Owen who was absolutely and utterly disinterested and what was going on and Andy Carroll who I just felt sorry for and realised what a joke we’ve become.

Saha added a fifth to well and truly put the nail in and it was no more than they deserved. They were in second gear when they put six past us a few weeks ago and they were barely out of first today. I dread to think what the rest of the season brings because this side, Allardyce’s side by the way is an absolute disgrace and an embarrassment to the name of Newcastle United. The talk amongst the same set of lads in the pub after the match was, in all seriousness of trips to Hull and Barnsley and what a laugh it would be. But of course, it’s not funny by any stretch of the imagination. The way we’re playing now, the third bottom team is going to have to go down on 28 points or we’re knackered. If you have any doubt of our utter lack of heart, take a look at our goal difference. Indeed if it weren’t for out and out flukes (Fulham etc) we’d be in the bottom three! I can’t recall one game this season where we were unlucky to lose. At all!

Even given some of the shite of recent seasons, the situation at present is genuinely shocking. Next weeks game at home to Blackburn takes on massive importance and we need points from somewhere, somehow. It’s difficult to see us getting any though – the whole country is laughing at us and the real encore could come with us relegated at the end of the season. It wasn’t supposed to be like this and it’s not just the pissy weather that has people begging for summer, there’s plenty looking forward to not have to be subjected to this shit week after week. As Billy Furious famously (almost) said, thank fuck for drink.

Keep the Faith, fucking somehow

Man of the Match - Fuck off man.
Referee – Chris Foy, 7 – Hardly his fault.
Their fans – 6 – Could have taken the piss even more than they did.

True Faiths ever impressive, and on the button match report LINK

Got parked up just after 8 in town, and made my way down to the Swan to meet Bagi and Diggler. Went through a few pubs, including Yates’s, Bowl in Hand and Cheeky Monkeys. Through this time I was texting an old school mate, who was making her way round town, and we finally met up in Cheeky Monkeys. First time i’d seen her in the best part of 15 years, but we’d been chatting and texting since getting in touch on facebook, and seem to have picked up our friendship from there After a drink in Marthas, we headed over to Chicago, before it got busy, and they ended up queuing up for ages HAHA! Bagi paid for me to get in, and by this time he was a tad wasted

Bumped into Andy Butler again in there, and me and him were having a good old dance together (in a non gay sort of way) And I was poked by an old friend from Rainworth, who has since sent me a message on facebook saying “You really didnt remember me saturday night did you?” But once I’d realised who it was, she’d gone Wasn’t all that bothered about staying in Chicago, but once i’d had a few more cokes, I was proper pepped up for the night ahead And what a night it ended up being Bumped into this lass i’d not seen for a while, and we sort of exchanged glances across the mini-dance floor bit, before I made a gesture to her to see if it was in fact who I thought it was. Spent some of the night chatting to her, and mentioned I was driving and didnt mind giving her a lift home, as she lives not a million miles away from me, and when I wasnt chatting to her, Bagi and Diggler were pushing me her way Cheeky lads them pair! Left Chicago bout 1ish. The rest is history

Woke up bout 8ish and sat chatting for an hour, before dropping my lady friend off home, and then rang Bagi to make sure he was awake! Didnt want him falling into the same trap I did the week before. Turns out he was awake, and exactly where he had wanted to be that night, but nothing had happened! Remember Bagi.. It’s all about the Cardigan Nipped to Maddsys before football. The ribbing started once I got into the changing rooms, and they were all jealous, cos non of them have their own lives, and they always pick on either me or Bagi!! Even tho Moorey was sat there with what can only be described as a pigeon with runny shits didnt like him! He’d had some sort of brain malfunction, and looked like a badger Ended up being Keith Hackett in the first half, and I thought that we aint had a better referee all season *snigger* We went 3-0 down at half time, and they were all good goals, but could have been easily stopped had a certain Mr Hornswiggle been on the pitch playing and not doing his Uriah Rennie impression

2nd half when I came on, I found myself pretty much running around like a head-less chicken! I was fucking knackered At one point, I went on my first mazy run of the season, and decided to shoot from about 40 yards out, which trickled through to their keeper. If winty had been on his toes, it’d have been a cracking through-ball

This was a big disappointed guys, our passing game never really got going.

We started the game really well and Scotty had 2 golden opportunities for us to take the lead, first firing straight at the keeper and then heading over from close range, with a few more games under his belt he will not need a second stab at goal.

From then it started to go down hill a long-ball from the Ritz defence found their forward who lobbed the ball over Bagi, 2 more sloppy goals then followed and to be fair they could and should have scored at least 1 or 2 more.

Half-time 0-3.

Brad came off at halftime and was replaced by Winty, the 2nd half started with both teams scrapping for the ball in the middle of the park.

Both teams were having chances with Ritz edging it.

Wiggy and Malc replaced Maddsy and Berry, however soon after Sami had to come off through injury, leaving us to play the best part of 20 minutes with 10 men.

The last 10 minutes of the game we started to play the ball around and got a consolation goal thanks to a great pass by Winty and a great finish by Malc.

Man of the Match - Winty, as soon as he came on he gave his all and was strong in his challenges, Well done pal.

Brads match report

Nipped to my mum and dads after football for some dinner, but didnt find myself there long, as my dad went for his customary sunday afternoon car-wash at ASDA, and my mum wanted some stuff from Tesco. Found myself falling asleep, so decided to make my way to my sisters, and collect my Bourne DVD collection, which she’s had for best part of 2 months and made my way home for a nice relaxing bath, via Tesco to get a 6 pack of lucozade HAHA! Spent the rest of the afternoon watching the Bourne films, whilst laid on the settee, and admittedly found myself nodding off all the way through them Nipped to the Chinese and had a protein shake with that, and then found myself in bed whilst texting one or two people.

Monday at work was boring, ad all the artwork was already sorted friday, so was just a case of printing it. Went to the gym straight from work, and now my personal trainer will NOT let me lift more than 4 plates on the chest exercises, and so I decided that I was gonna try and step it up! For some reason a competitive streak appears in John, and he wont have it that I’ve gone from no-where to lifting not far off what he is in the space of a few short months RESULT! Anyway had a proper good session on the weights, and really felt it tuesday! Aint it great that feeling of achievement, when you’re aching like a bitch the day after a good gym session. Got home, and was gonna chill on the xbox for a bit, but had been in about 5 minutes and the phone went. Answered it and it was a certain Mr Westwood, asking if I was still in Kirkby or not, cos him and Meatball were at a kebab shop in Kirkby, and were gonna come round for an hour. Errrmm FANTASTIC Had a blast on Call of Duty 4 and Project Gotham 3 with Meatball wearing the headphones for some bits, and me running round getting shot (nothing changed there then) After they’d gone I messed about on the internet, had another Protein Shake, as it was too late to sort any tea out, and then went to bed to watch Rambo First Blood Part 2! What a film

Ached my way through Tuesday, and headed back for yet more grueling gym training straight from work. Had a chat with a few of the lads I know from Kirkby way in the gym, and Bagi decided to text me for some reason, with the question… “Has this text message made you look popular, whilst building up your guns” I do worry about that lad at times. Nipped into Tesco on the way home for some petrol, only to find that they’d run out of 99 RON!! GOD DAMN IT Bought myself a few meals, and had a few odd looks from folks, as I’m prancing around in my training vest and then made my way home to sort some tea out, and watch Alien vs Anderson (sorry Predator) Thought it was quite a good film, and loved the fight scenes between the pair of them. Once that had done, I’d had enough of my twating internet connection, so I laid texting Becca about this and that whilst watching CSI and CSI Miami. For some reason couldn’t sleep, and just as I was nodding off, I got the fright of my life when we had a little earthquake. At first I thought someone had driven into the side of next doors house, but no such luck! After a while I managed to get my head down and sleep, altho I’m cream-crackered now. Ahhh well Friday off to lounge about and relax