True-Faiths Match report from the Tyne-Tees Game! I wont call it a “Derby-game” as it riles members of the geordie nation 
Once again it had me LQTOS 
I always look forward to my annual tour of Yarm and all of the other sight-seeing delights in and around the Teeside area prior to every visit to the Smog-net Riverside Stadium which are conducted by those fine people at Cleveland Plod. My only beef with them is that one of the Polis’ should stand at the front of the away coaches with a megaphone and inform everyone of the landmarks as we pass them; “and on your left, is another smog chimney, and on your right, is another smog chimney, and on your left….”
Ex-knickers factory owner and current England Manager Mike Baldwin very kindly relieved Michael Owen from England duty which allowed him to take his place on our bench as Big Sam opted for the same starting XI for the 3rd consecutive time this season. We were forced into a change early on as one of Carr’s hamstrings popped like a virginal cherry and Ramage replaced him at right back. We opened the scoring after 22 minutes thanks to an absolute pearler from young Prince Charles. He evaded 2 challenges after receiving the ball on the left touch-line and unleashed a superlative curling effort past Schwarzer into the top corner via his right peg and a net full of hungry hippos would not have been suffice to gobble up the effort.
The game was squared up 6 minutes later when Mido just managed to keep himself onside (thanks to his new mop-chop) after Rochemback put him in and he rounded Harper before finishing with a bomb sorry aplomb. I have no qualms at all with how Mido celebrated (although nonchalantly flicking the “V’s” from the halfway line at us is another matter) as the away contingent had given him stick but Southgate should shut his over-sized gnashers for his post match comments. He blasted NUFC fans for having the audacity to sing naughty ditties at the shoe-bomber Richard Reid lookalike (prior to his mop-chop); erm, I’m sure I heard the demented seals (Don’t forget that seals will jump 30 feet out of water when a fish is dangled in front of them so who knows what they will do if you were to dangle a zinger burger above them) in the home end singing “fat greedy bastard” and abusing Viduka throughout the game. In any case, I thought our fans were very welcoming towards Mido as we chanted “Mido’s, Mido’s, Mido’s” after spotting the Egyptian’s family in the home end…..
Ramage went off injured after 58 minutes and was replaced by Cacapa (“he’s not from Ayia Napa, he’s from Brazil, he’s ‘kin brill”) who looks a steady no-nonsense defender. The 2nd half was a dismal spectacle and it looked nailed on to fizzle out at 1-1 until a moment of brilliance from The Duke. Geremi dinked a ball to him inside their box and he managed to hold off Woodgate (I know who I’d back in a “see-saw off”) via his upper body mass before delightfully flicking the ball past our former scraggily haired-centre half and burying past Schwarzer into the bottom corner. 2-1 up, 10 minutes to go with the former home team’s hero acting as the villain; fairytale for NUFC and The Duke? Sadly, no! We once again shot ourselves in the foot by failing to deal with a corner and the ball eventually landed at the feet of the crap-haired ex-mackem Argentine who volleyed past Harper from the edge of the box to level things up. We could have nicked it late on but Owen failed to connect with N’Zogbia’s floated free kick. Any touch, even the merest flick from his ear lobe would surely have resulted in a goal.
It’s definitely a case of 2 points dropped having led twice and I wish the press would stop labelling these matches as derbies; are they balls. We don’t see them as derbies and their fans don’t either, judging by the amount of empty seats in the home end. Big Sam’s preferred 4-3-3 seems to lack width but what do I know. The only badge I have is the 10 metres one and I cheated to gain that by walking it across the little pool at Hebburn baths. The injuries to Carr and Ramage and the expected departure of the Peruvian trumpeter adds more strain on our already short numbers in defence and we could do with a few new recruits in that area before the winda closes on Friday night!
