Saw this report on the England game on bbc sport… And it’s safe to say it made me chuckle
Paul Robinson - take a break. Have you ever seen an England goalie so at sea?
He’s got to carry the can for England’s first defeat at the new Wembley - except I doubt he’d be able to hold on to it. The flap for the first German goal was pure comedy. He went for the ball like a handcuffed man leaning off a stepladder and cannot be allowed to continue.
His replacement will be the best keeper in the Premiership season of 2006-07 - David James. Funny how that conclusive fact fills me with dread.
But who else is there? Not Jens Lehmann, even if he qualified through residency. The bloke looks more and more like a bewildered Dave Beasant.
He spent the evening handing out pressies to England’s premier goal-hanger, who spent a couple of hours trying to unwrap each one of them. Presumably Owen needs a game or two. But we’ve been saying that for what feels like a decade.
And Becks looked unfit and a tad jaded - hardly surprising given all the air miles he’s been clocking up.
Just a question but does he have to take ALL the free-kicks? Is it a contractual obligation? If, say, Lampard lined up one of his 30-yard bagatelle efforts, would Becks be legally entitled to pick up the ball and mince off?
The rest of the game had some pluses for England. Lamps was lively but Gerrard wasn’t on the pitch so he knew what his job was. More evidence for my continued assertion that the two of them can’t share the same turf. Lampard should be England’s best sub.
Joe Cole was grand. Gone are the days when he used to get knocked off the ball by the breath of the average centre back. He’s fast, tricky and was the main reason we got a few chances together.
The lad Richards was great ‘n’ all - but why stick him at centre half after the break when he’d done so much good work at right back? Wes Brown has about as much flair as drainpipe trousers.
SWP is back to his best and scared the pants of them when he came on. And the team created chances, which to be fair has been a rarity recently.
Certainly Mr Brown and Ms Merkel seemed to have a good evening. Well England lost, didn’t they, so why wouldn’t they be pleased?
I thought the Germans were a bit cheeky to wear England’s ‘66 World Cup winning kit. And what does the German coach look like, eh? With the girly scarf and the new Romantic hairdo he could be some wunderkind classical musician. I kept expecting him to run out from the dug-out and get a cello out.
The worst aspect of last night was watching the game with my son Darren and his girlfriend Claudia - from Baden Baden. I bit me tongue so many times in 90 minutes that I developed a serious lisp.
Even then, most of my derision was reserved for the boys in white. As was hers, to be fair.
“Who is this substitute?” she asked at one point.
“Dyer” I replied.
“Dire?!” said she….
Well, I couldn’t have put it better meself, pet.
