hahaha Read this on True Faith, and online Geordie fanzine type thing, and it made me laugh, so thought i’d post it 
Our pre-season programme this summer bizarrely includes 4 friendlies at home; firstly, we played Rod Stewart and although the score-line is not yet known, I am certain the crokey-voiced crooner who loves nailing gorgeous blondes would have left S.J.P with a victory taken into account his record of notching away from home. We then play Celtic for the 6th time in 12 years followed by our Black & White brothers from Turin for the 5th time in 10 years. We finish off christening our newly laid pitch by entertaining Sampdoria, who we last met in a pre-season tournament at Ibrox in the summer of ’94 when a shiny-headed Italian called Lombaldo or something ripped us to shreds (I can’t mention that tournament without recollecting memories of Cantona’s chipped penalty which landed on top of Pav’s net in the semi final shoot-out!).
A lot of us have just shelled out half a grand for season tickets and of course some dorty porvorts will be heading to foreign shores in search of some euro-snatch. Bearing in mind Big Sam has also came out and stated that the results of these matches are not important (Ed: and he’s spot on) and that they are merely for improving the fitness of our squad (I wouldn’t pay top dollar to watch Jarra Elvis practise his fine array of tunes, especially if Junior Elvis and Pelaw Gino were not there to assist him) and on top of that, friendlies are usually as exciting as watching a tadpole trim his goatee then surely a sensible pricing policy is required for these friendlies. Mike Ashley likes to sell things at discounted prices so how about a set figure per match of £10 for Adults and £5 for the Young’uns / Werthers Original chompers. I’m sure 15 year olds would rather spend a fiver watching NUFC and the likes of Del Piero, Nedved, Quagliarella and that Dutch bloke with the ridiculously long name from Celtic than spend it on some top shelf magazine (Mammoth Melons or Gigantic Jugs of Joy get my vote); although how them magazines are still in publication is beyond me what with all the free Frankie Vaughan available on the t’internet (apparently). The more people in the ground then the more money will be made from the vastly over-priced Terrance Waite and drink (The Carling sponsorship deal is only a good thing if they bring back the “Black Label” and totally re-generate the taste of it) which is sold inside there.
Without trying to sound arrogant here; playing teams the stature of Juventus and Sampdoria is not a novelty for us. Of course, some teams’ fans would be more excited than a virginal tadpole in a fish-tank brothel if their team arranged a home match against Juventus as some poor teams have only mustered a paltry 4 European ties in their history – the poor bastards!
I love some of the stuff they put on here! True Faith Site
Current Mood: 
5.
