Wiggy's World

Now West Brom are down, it’s a straight fight on Sunday afternoon between 2 or 4 teams.  It could be a shitty pre-season for either, Newcastle United (The Toon), Middlesboro (The Smoggies) Sunderland (Unwashed) and Hull City.  I’m not even gonna entertain the different scenarios now we know it’s 2 from 4.  I was so glad to see Pompey beat the unwashed last night, with some comical defending straight from the Newcastle United book of Dodgy Defending.  Greeted the own goal with a big cheer hehe!  Before the finale of the Premier League we’ve got the small matter of the SPL kicking off at 1pm, with Rangers 2 points ahead of Celtic ahead of a crunch set of fixture.  I still remember it vividly when Celtic were top going into the final game against Motherwell at the end of the 2004/2005 season, and they went and lost the title to Rangers.  Poor Andy & joe were destraught, and just sat gobsmacked for atleast half an hour.

I’m a bugger for signing upto random websites, and I’m glad I’ve signed up with Adgitize at the minute.  I’m 10 days or so into my 31 days advertising period, and I’ve made $10 so far, which means I’ve accumulated enough for a payment at the end of May, so fingers crossed.  As long as it pretty much pays for another months advertising with them then I’ll be happy enough.  It’s so easy to earn money with them.  I’ll write a post at the end of my first months advertising.  Anyone who has not signed up, and is interested in earning some money whilst blogging, I reccommend you join this program.  Click on the Blue Adgitize square on the left, and let them know you’ve been referred from here   I’ve noticed an increase of 90/100 hits a day through this.

Also I’ve become a member at You-Cubez, which is slowly making me money through clicking on other peoples advertising cubes, which is fun and kills some time

God I’m aching like hell right now! Thought as I didn’t have anything to look forward to on Sunday morning, that it’d be a great idea to go to the gym for a fulll chest workout.  Didn’t think it through properly, cos my chest feels like a rock and I struggled to get my jumper off earlier   Busy as hell at work again, and me and Smash realised just how quiet it is with out dear Mr Maddox.  Another 7am-5.30pm shift, and I can sense another long shift being put in tomorrow to try and get through some of the directory stuff I’ve got for both work websites.  Had a pretty chilled weekend apart from the hard work I put in during the chest session in the gym.  It’s safe to say that my mother didn’t enjoy being in the L200 this weekend, claiming if she had to go much further she’d be quite sea sick. HAHA!

I’ve fallen out with Smash after he started chanting for Hull this weekend. Given he “follows” Man Utd he thinks it’ll be brilliant if Man Utd lose this weekend, and condem Newcastle to the drop.  What made matters worse was me catching him designing a Hull City flag to be put up on the wall of the office.  Upon telling Maddsy what he was planning all I got was a “Well it would be cool if it happened” I’m not looking forward to having Friday off, as my desktop picture will be something more random than a picture of “Simple Jack” from Tropic Thunder, and there will no doubt be random Hull City stuff/references around the office grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

On the other hand he does find some random stuff through shoutwire.com and it lead me to this blog post HERE on The Rogue Pirate Ninja blog, titled 9 ways to die like a man.

1. Down Mexico way… in a hail of bullets!

After a long chase and a few bank robberies while the federales have got you surrounded.  Most guys would throw their hands in the air and go away peacefully. Guys like Johnny Cash kick everyones ass and have to die of old age.

2. Tortured to death by spies while not giving up any information

Especially chick spies who are hot.  However, if you get caught by chick spies that are hot, you’re a pussy.  Sean Connery would fucking smack down a chick spy, even a hot one.  When I say ‘smack down’ I mean punch dead in the nose and knock the fuck out cold.

3. Being thrown off a high structure with your arch enemy in tow

The trick here is when you get the slightest feeling you are going to fall spear the guy you’re fighting right into oblivion.  Before you do it, say something cool and awesome like “Come fly away with me”, but not in a gay way.  Remember, if you screw up the cool last words you’re not dying like a man, you’re going out like a stuttering fool.

Click HERE to read the rest of his article.  He also has an article about 6 awesome ways the world could end but probably won’t Which can be found HERE

Decided that if I’m still playing for R&K next season with Bobby and the lads, as they call this the fanzine, I’m gonna create a dedicated page, where we will have silly things like Q&A with the players, and I’ll update it with any action photos we get, or pics from our night out.  In fact I can start this weekend if I get chance as it’s our end of season presentation, so I can write who won what award etc

Yet more stuff I’ve been emailed to my various emails these past few days haha!

This is actually what our office looks like without coffee

A few more can be found HERE

So it’s going down to the last game of the season! Feeling absolutely sick at the moment, as we’ve just lost to Fulham, and Hulls draw with Bolton takes them out of the bottom 3.  The Smoggies drawing with Villa means they’re level on points with us.  Hopefully the Unwashed will lose against Pompey Monday nigh.  It’s out of our hands now, specially if Manure send a weakened team to Hull now they’ve wrapped up the Championship.  Guess we’ll have to get used to that word next season, given we’ll be in the Coca Cola Championship   As always false hope up at St. James’ Park after the good win against the Smoggies

Will someone please donate me some money! Had to meet the boss man this morning to swap the work van with his Land Rover, and it’s the nicest car I’ve driven.  I really do want one!  Only problem I can see so far is the money! First time I’d driven an Automatic, even tho when we swapped Mark asked if I knew what I was doing Was easy as pie, and I loved driving it.

One of these in Black please!

Photo taken from HERE…

One or two news storys made me sit up and take note, whilst having a coffee at dinner.  First off is the Rangers player, who was injured by an exploding Egg, and the other was a father who tried to get a prostitute for his 14 year old son

Rangers defender Kirk Broadfoot was taken to hospital after an egg he was microwaving exploded in his face.

The 25-year-old Scotland international was poaching the egg at his home near Mauchline, Ayrshire, when the accident happened.

It is understood hot liquid squirted onto his face and scalded his cheek when he opened the microwave door.

The footballer was treated in hospital, before being allowed to go home following the incident on Sunday.

LINK to the rest of the story on the BBC website

And the 2nd…

A father who asked an undercover police officer posing as a prostitute to take his 14-year-old son’s virginity has been given a suspended prison sentence.

The man from Bulwell, Nottingham, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was given a 10-month suspended jail term.

Nottingham Crown Court heard the man, 42, had approached the undercover policewoman in the Mapperley area in July believing her to be a prostitute.

LINK to the rest of the story from the BBC Website

Also Dee has sent me a few more Tommy Cooper style jokes

Two Aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get marriedThe ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.Doc says, ‘I’ll give you some cream to put on it.

Doc, I can’t stop singing the green green grass of home.”That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”Is it common?”It’s not unusual.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.’My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”Well,’ says the vet, ‘let’s have a look at him’So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.Finally, he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.’ ‘What? Because he’s cross-eyed? ”No, because he’s really heavy

Doctor, I can’t pronounce my F’s, T’s and H’s.’ ‘Well you can’t say fairer than that then

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At the top of the SPL this season! With Rangers beating Celtic on Saturday to go two points clear of their bitterest rivals, Celtic regained top spot with a win over Dundee United on Tuesday night, putting the pressure onto Rangers, who as usual seemed to faulter and ended up drawing against Hibs, leaving Celtic top by the slenderest of margins (Celtic’s goal difference is a mere 2 goals greater) Anyway it makes for an interesting final 2 games of the season thats for sure!

Last night I was praying that Wigan could get some sort of result against Champions elect Man Utd at the JJB stadium, but it wasn’t to be, despite a spirited performance from Wigan.  My thoughts were if Arsenal can defeat United or get a point along with Wigan, then Man Ud would have to send a good squad to Hull on the final day of the season, rather than resting all their big players for the Champions League final!  Oh well.. Come on Arsenal

Been busy as hell at work, not helped by having 2 hours off to go on a bit of a random drive on Tuesday afternoon, to help Mark out who wouldn’t have been back from Wales in time.  As a result I had loads to do, so found myself in at 7am along with Maddsy as we both worked through our work, with him being in Amsterdam as of this morning, until the end of the weekend, as a Birthday treat from his mother-in-law and her fella.  Was in early again today to get some more stuff done, and it’s been pretty busy again too.

Saturday I got a text from Joe, and another a few days ago giving me his new number.  For some stupid reason it got me thinking bout the past, and for that reason I couldn;’t sleep last night, finding myself watching Charlies War till I couldn’t keep my eyes open any longer.

Seems the dreaded “Man-Flu” exists after some research by some Geeky people known as scientists haha!  Ok maybe I’ve embelished a little on the research, but it turns out Women are better at fighting off colds and coughs…

Men really do have an excuse for supposedly being wimpy about coughs and colds – their immune systems are not as strong as women’s, research suggests.

A Canadian study indicates that the female sex hormone oestrogen gives women’s immune systems added bite at fighting off infection.

Oestrogen seems to counter an enzyme which blocks the inflammatory process.

The McGill University study appears in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

The researchers focused on an enzyme called Caspase-12, which is known to put a brake on the inflammatory process, the body’s first line of defence against harmful invaders such as bacteria and viruses.

They worked on mice that lacked the Caspase-12 gene, and were thus extremely resistant to infection.

The human Caspase-12 gene was implanted into a group of male and female mice, but only the males became more prone to infection.

More of the report HERE from the BBC Website

There was an old sitcom on the BBC called Dads Army, and I can just imagine them now tackling the Taliban in Afghanistan as opposed to being our last line of defence against Hitlers advancing army   Anyway I got this from my Grandparents again, and it made me chuckle so thought I’d share it on here again

Drafting Guys over 60—-this is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier-
New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!
I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I’m too old to track down terrorists. You now can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit until you’re at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.  Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts!  I can’t sleep, I’m tired and hungry’ We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get  up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, ‘ I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-of-a-b….
If  captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would be easier for old guys.  We’re used to getting screamed and yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacl e course however. I’ve been in combat and didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl.  He still hasn’t figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home t o learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
***How about recruiting Women over 50 …with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!
If nothing=2 0else, put us on border patrol….we will have it secured the first night!

Share this with your senior friends.

Dads Army - Image from http://www.jilldaniels.com

Well what a night!! I don’t think my heart can take many more games like that, and the sooner the mess that is Newcastle United FC is sorted out the better.  I can’t cope with relegation battles, and through my many years of supporting them, never even contemplated being this close to a relegation fight at the end of the season.  We’ve flirted for the last few seasons, but end of season run of form has left us normally around mid-table.  It started with a rousing roar from the crowd, who for once really got behind the lads even after we went a goal behind (For those of you who don’t really follow Engligh Premier League, Newcastle ALWAYS make it hard for themselves).  3 minutes into the game, and I was turning the air blue, with a few naughty words, which I won’t repeat on here, and that was accompanied by a text from my mother bacisally saying “Oh Dear”  Luckily tho, Steven Taylor made the most of a crafty block by Kevin Nolan, and he powered a header past the Smoggies keeper, and the place seemed to erupt.  The Smoggies looked dangerous on the counter, and had the better chances throughout the first half, but up front Mark Viduka had the sort of game we dreamed of when we first signed him, but injury has put paid to that, which along with Martins and Owen being injured, has partly been the reason we’re down the bottom.  The main reason tho is our comical defending, and I was getting nervous everytime the Smoggies players ran at our defence, for fear that one of our calamity moments would strike AGAIN, after Beye’s unfortunate own goal.  Heaven knows once we got to half-time, I was pacing around the living room, with a cup of coffee, chomping at the bit for the lads to get the next goal, which would hopefully open the game up and benefit our attackers.  The goal wasn’t forthcoming, and I could feel my heart beating everytime they got the ball near our area, but 90% of the time they just ran out of ideas, apart from 1 real shot of note from O’Neill.  Anyway I think the neighbours knew Newcastle were on after 71 minutes, when I was jumping up and down, shouting “YOU F@#KING BEAUTY” among other things, again followed by a rather brief text saying “Yes” My mother is very talktative during toon games Normally the only words screeched are “GET IT OUT” or “WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING”  Told CarolAnne that the last 10 minutes would be murder, and even 1 goal up my heart was pounding, and I was pacing around the living room with my arms behind my head huffing and puffing wanting them to just see it out!  Things went 1 stage better when Lovenkrands blasted in a 3rd with 4 minutes to go, and I was pretty much dancing on the ceiling by that time! It’s now in OUR hands atleast, and I’m sorry to see Hull in the bottom 3 after their great start to the season, and I’ve mentioned to the Man Utd fans that I can see them facing a weakened Man Utd come the final day of the season, so I’m hoping and praying Arsenal beat Man Utd in their game, and Sunderland lose both their remaining games, thus condeming The Smoggies, West Brom and The Unwashed from the Village of the Damned to life in the Championship.

There was another important game on last night, and one of my top commentators is a massive fan of one of the teams, as you may know.  Mr 6k is a huge Sheffield United fan, and it was their Play-Off Semi-Final 2nd Leg last night, with the winner 1 game away from a place in the Premier League.  Going into the game 1-1, Sheff United won 1-0 against Preston, and are heading off to Wembley.  I’m sure if he wasn’t in South Africe he’d be queueing for his tickets.  Congrats Sheff United.

The question is tho Dare the toon fans dream of whislting the Great Escape muasic come the final game of the season when we travel to Villa?!?  Typically we’re a team that takes a huge step forward, only to take 4 massive steps backwards! I’m suddenly believeing we COULD do it, but I will be keeping my fingers crossed until “The fat lady is singing” and we’re mathmatically safe

Dee forwarded me this picture this morning.  et’s hope she’s not shown it Mark, or it won;’t be long till our clocking in machine looks like this

Smile... You're at work now

Yeah it’s with a heavy heart that I confirm that after the last game of the season on Sunday I have gone ANOTHER season of 11-a-side football with out scoring a goal!  On the plus side, I have managed to go through the season WITHOUT conceding a penalty OR an Own Goal So for that I think I deserve a special mention at our end of season bash on the 23rd May (If Bobby is reading this fanzine post that is )  Last season I conceded 2 penalties, and sat top of that leader-board with Maddsy, who I think is odds on favourite for “Most un-commited player” As he’s been busy watching his Dylan play instead, on top of not being good enough, or fit enough to last now days since his knee injury forced an early (and welcome) retirement.  This season has seen 3 new additions, and they’ve all been welcome, and provided pretty much a back-bone to the side, and I am still convinced that Ste Bradshaw took a massive knock to the head before our Away game at Rileys, when he changed our formation to 3-1-4-2, but it worked that game, and we became the first side to defeat them in their first few games.  From then on the formation seems to have worked really well, with Jock holding, and Smithy being the massive presence at the back that was missing last season, when I ended up playing Centre-Back   My only gripe is that I was not able to over-lap and try and get forward more, compared to when you’re playing a 4-4-2, but I’m sure my goal will come soon enough HAHA!  It’s been a massive improvement on last season, when a Wiggy own goal, stopped us from gaining our first 3 points of the season, despite having a bit of a cup run, which included beating higher league opposition in Lawson Marsden 9-2 or something daft.  A day when everything really did go right for us on the day. Last Seasons Table compared to this season, which is not bad given we’ve only dropped down 1 league! (Note the tables are only complete with our fixtures having been played.  This season Cockle can steal 3rd if they beat Devonshire Arms)

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