Wiggy's World

Will someone please donate me some money! Had to meet the boss man this morning to swap the work van with his Land Rover, and it’s the nicest car I’ve driven.  I really do want one!  Only problem I can see so far is the money! First time I’d driven an Automatic, even tho when we swapped Mark asked if I knew what I was doing Was easy as pie, and I loved driving it.

One of these in Black please!

Photo taken from HERE…

One or two news storys made me sit up and take note, whilst having a coffee at dinner.  First off is the Rangers player, who was injured by an exploding Egg, and the other was a father who tried to get a prostitute for his 14 year old son

Rangers defender Kirk Broadfoot was taken to hospital after an egg he was microwaving exploded in his face.

The 25-year-old Scotland international was poaching the egg at his home near Mauchline, Ayrshire, when the accident happened.

It is understood hot liquid squirted onto his face and scalded his cheek when he opened the microwave door.

The footballer was treated in hospital, before being allowed to go home following the incident on Sunday.

LINK to the rest of the story on the BBC website

And the 2nd…

A father who asked an undercover police officer posing as a prostitute to take his 14-year-old son’s virginity has been given a suspended prison sentence.

The man from Bulwell, Nottingham, who cannot be named for legal reasons, was given a 10-month suspended jail term.

Nottingham Crown Court heard the man, 42, had approached the undercover policewoman in the Mapperley area in July believing her to be a prostitute.

LINK to the rest of the story from the BBC Website

Also Dee has sent me a few more Tommy Cooper style jokes

Two Aerials meet on a roof – fall in love – get marriedThe ceremony was rubbish but the Reception was Brilliant.

Man goes to the docs, with a strawberry growing out of his head.Doc says, ‘I’ll give you some cream to put on it.

Doc, I can’t stop singing the green green grass of home.”That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”Is it common?”It’s not unusual.

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.’My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”Well,’ says the vet, ‘let’s have a look at him’So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.Finally, he says, ‘I’m going to have to put him down.’ ‘What? Because he’s cross-eyed? ”No, because he’s really heavy

Doctor, I can’t pronounce my F’s, T’s and H’s.’ ‘Well you can’t say fairer than that then

Two elephants walk off a cliff…… boom boom!

So I went to the dentist.He said ‘Say Aaah.’I said ‘Why?’He said ‘My dog’s died.

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said’Who’s speaking please?’And a voice said ‘You are.

So I rang up my local swimming baths.I said ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’He said ‘It depends where you’re calling from

So I rang up a local building firm,I said ‘I want a skip outside my house.’He said ‘I’m not stopping you.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5people in my family, so it must be one of them..It’s either my mum or my dad.Or my older brother Colin.Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.But I think it’s Colin.

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and hesaid ‘You’ve been promoted.’And I swerved.And then he rang up a second time and said ‘You’ve been promoted again.’ And I swerved again.He rang up a third time and said ‘You’re managing director.’ And I went into a tree.And a policeman came up and said’What happened to you?’And I said ‘I careered off the road

Now, most dentists’ chairs go up and down, don’t they?The one I was in went back and forwards.I thought ‘This is unusual’.And the dentist said to me’Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you Give me a lift?’I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other’Does this taste funny to you?

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, andthe other was eating fireworks.They charged one and let the other one off.

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.They left a little note on the
windscreen; it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.

A man walked into the doctors,The doctor said ‘I haven’t seen you in a long time’The man replied, ‘I know I’ve been il

A man walked into the doctors,he said ‘I’ve hurt my arm in several places’The doctor said, ‘well don’t go to those places

I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day.He wasn’t very happy.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but Icouldn’t find any.

I bought some HP sauce the other day.It’s costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

Two blondes walk into a building……….you’d think at least oneof them would have seen it.

Phone answering machine message -’…If you want to buy marijuana………….press the hash key…

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that hecouldn’t reach the meat
off the top shelf.He said, ‘No, the steaks are too high

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.A strong currant pulled him in.

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.He shouted, ‘Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!’The doctor replied, ‘I know you can’t, I’ve cut your arms off’.

I went to a seafood disco last week…and pulled a mussel

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for allthat you can’t have your kayak and heat it.

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands.Police say that he topped himself.

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other ‘Your round.’The other one says ‘so are you, you fat slob!’