Wiggy's World

hahaha Read this on True Faith, and online Geordie fanzine type thing, and it made me laugh, so thought i’d post it

Our pre-season programme this summer bizarrely includes 4 friendlies at home; firstly, we played Rod Stewart and although the score-line is not yet known, I am certain the crokey-voiced crooner who loves nailing gorgeous blondes would have left S.J.P with a victory taken into account his record of notching away from home. We then play Celtic for the 6th time in 12 years followed by our Black & White brothers from Turin for the 5th time in 10 years. We finish off christening our newly laid pitch by entertaining Sampdoria, who we last met in a pre-season tournament at Ibrox in the summer of ’94 when a shiny-headed Italian called Lombaldo or something ripped us to shreds (I can’t mention that tournament without recollecting memories of Cantona’s chipped penalty which landed on top of Pav’s net in the semi final shoot-out!).

A lot of us have just shelled out half a grand for season tickets and of course some dorty porvorts will be heading to foreign shores in search of some euro-snatch. Bearing in mind Big Sam has also came out and stated that the results of these matches are not important (Ed: and he’s spot on) and that they are merely for improving the fitness of our squad (I wouldn’t pay top dollar to watch Jarra Elvis practise his fine array of tunes, especially if Junior Elvis and Pelaw Gino were not there to assist him) and on top of that, friendlies are usually as exciting as watching a tadpole trim his goatee then surely a sensible pricing policy is required for these friendlies. Mike Ashley likes to sell things at discounted prices so how about a set figure per match of £10 for Adults and £5 for the Young’uns / Werthers Original chompers. I’m sure 15 year olds would rather spend a fiver watching NUFC and the likes of Del Piero, Nedved, Quagliarella and that Dutch bloke with the ridiculously long name from Celtic than spend it on some top shelf magazine (Mammoth Melons or Gigantic Jugs of Joy get my vote); although how them magazines are still in publication is beyond me what with all the free Frankie Vaughan available on the t’internet (apparently). The more people in the ground then the more money will be made from the vastly over-priced Terrance Waite and drink (The Carling sponsorship deal is only a good thing if they bring back the “Black Label” and totally re-generate the taste of it) which is sold inside there.

Without trying to sound arrogant here; playing teams the stature of Juventus and Sampdoria is not a novelty for us. Of course, some teams’ fans would be more excited than a virginal tadpole in a fish-tank brothel if their team arranged a home match against Juventus as some poor teams have only mustered a paltry 4 European ties in their history – the poor bastards!

I love some of the stuff they put on here! True Faith Site

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Yesterday at work was quite comical! Carol had the day off, as her daughter Kimberley was giving birth, so Maddsy was tear-arsing around at 500mph trying to get stuff done, when it could quite easily have been done at walking pace He will learn soon enough! Altho he does seem to have lost weight with all his running around HAHAHA!

Nipped over to see my mother after work, as I was gonna be out that way later anyway, and turns out Stef got rejected for an apprenticeship! My mum thinks it may be due to the fact he said his attendance at school was good, even tho he’d missed the most part of his 2 GCSE years! Whoops! My mum seems to think he’ll never get a job at this rate

Went round to Jeffs to pick him up, and he was busy playing about on one of his works customers servers remotely, trying to sort something out, as I think he said they were gonna test his company, by taking their server down, to see how well they perform getting it back up and running or something!

The steak at the Ranger was as good as ever, but we both agreed that me made a mistake in only ordering the 10oz! Stayed in there for a bit, and had a game of pool, which I lost, and was most upset about

Other news… Tim Henman is out of Wimbledon… Oh well! Never likely to win it was he! Lets be honest

Looking forward to tonight! As is everyone at work! Taking my car home at dinner, and Karl is following, then after work me, atom, maddsy and crit are piling round to crits house tog et ready, then down the bull for a few beers / games of pool before the bus comes to pick us up Then tomorrow it’s over to Tattershall Lakes or wherever for a chilling weekend hehehe

Pics to follow monday more than likely

Oh yeah… congrats to Carol for becoming a grandmother! And Kimberley and her fella too

Turns out I think I have found the real reason why my stomach is hurting! It aint through over doing it at the gym.. its all down to this sweet and innocent looking little lad…

.. Crazily attacking me with the worlds smallest Screw-driver the other night at Casa de Maddox!! What makes it worse was me telling Dylan to stop attacking me with the screw-driver, and his dad just sat there laughing! Also Dylan decided he was gonna keep stabbing me in the stomach, and generally using Wiggy as a personal climbing frame!

I think this kid has what it takes to star in the next Hostel film

Damn pesky Kids!!!!

Checking out the sport pages on the BBC website, and came across this:

The big team news will be Gordon Brown’s new squad. Hard to say the name ‘Gordon Brown’ without wanting to add the phrase “texture like sun, lays me down through my mind she runs.” Personally I think the burly Scot wouldn’t do bad if he picked a purely sporting cabinet. Here’s me recommendations:

Chancellor of the Exchequer
Doug Ellis – Here’s a man who’d rather wet his trousers than spend a penny. You can bet there’d be no more Domes or Olympics or, well, zebra crossings with Deadly in charge.

Foreign Secretary
I always wanted a foreign secretary – ideally a Swedish lass – but I digress. Gordon Brown could do worse than hire Sven-Goran Eriksson. Here’s a man who appears to have had liaisons with most of the world’s populations. He could get his tongue around most languages – and indeed the women that speak them. Plus, Man City fans’d be delighted.

Home Secretary
There’s two of these now, right?
There’s one for Home Security – well Chelsea haven’t lost at home for bleedin’ ages so give it to Jose.

Then there’s the Minister for Justice. It can’t be Jose again – he’s spent a season being the Minister of Injustice. I’d go for that vanguard for truth and fair play, old Three Cards himself, Graham Poll. That’s if there’s a high enough horse for him to sit on.

Health
Well, I’m fed up with these fags and booze and God-knows-what-else directives coming from this department so I’m putting Tuffers in charge, with Ian Woosnam and Peter Lundgren as his under-secretaries. Now who wouldn’t want to work there, eh?

Environment Food and Rural Affairs
Rural Affairs?! What’s that – The Archers or summat? This is all a bit oo-arrr for me but Paula Radcliffe’s good at cross-country so she can have the job.

Transport
Well they keep getting this job wrong, do PMs – you want someone who knows what he’s talking about. Lewis Hamilton’s a bloody good driver. Perfect fit.

Defence
Gordon’s already being accused of being too dour and Scottish and plain. Well in order to make him look like Liza Minnelli on a good night let’s put Alan Hansen in the Ministry of Defence. ‘Absolutely woeful tank deployment, no one’s picking up the lone sniper……’.

Education and Skills
Now there are a lot of people saying the youth of this country are really lacking education and skills. Oh really?! Step forward Wayne Rooney. That’s ‘skills’ sorted out…. ermm.

Trade and Industry
Harry Redknapp has to be the best tradesman on the block. No one does a better deal than H. Luvly Jubbly.

Work and Pensions
Teddy Sheringham. The only footballer who is simultaneously drawing a wage and a pension. Perhaps Sven could lend his expertise here too. Who wouldn’t like to retire on 13 grand a week? What’s the secret of his success?

Culture Media and Sport
A great sportsman, a great broadcaster and a cultural icon rolled into one. Sir Geoffrey Boycott. Straight bat to every question. No messing about. Perfect.

Becks is our US ambassador of course.

Amused me for a few minutes reading through

So yesterday was a steady at work, and Maddsy and Geoffrey were continuing their rivalry for “Top Salesman” with Robert no-where to be seen hahaha!

Left work 5 minutes early, and was meant to go straight to the gym, but me being me…. I forgot my wallet with my gym card in So a quick detour home, then another detour, to try and miss out on all the traffic between my house and the gym, even though it was a longer route, and my petrol light was on whoops!

Got to the gym, and was again caught by Shaun who does very little work there I must admit And we had a quick session on the back, before heading over to football! Upon leaving the gym tho, all we could smell was the chippy at the end of the road, and me and John must admit we were tempted to go and get some! John was raced on Abbott Road by some old bloke in a Renault 19, and he almost hads John till his VTEC kicked in, and took him clear! Football wasnt as good last night for some reason, but I managed to add 2 more goals to my tally! one a simple left-footed finish past teddy, and the 2nd a 30 yard shot into the corner of the net, after HSB decided he was gonna stand on the post on the other side of the net! So i just hit it and hoped he wouldnt get across in time!

Got back home, and had something to eat, cos by that time I was feeling it, and felt quite weak! Spent the rest of the night chatting to Maddsy and Jeff on msn, trying to find a suitable picture for Maddsy to use on Beths birthday party invitations, and also sorting out going for the steak sizzler tonight, and then into town for a swift few drinks with Jeff! Not gonna be a late night, as I couldnt sleep again last night, and woke up this morning with the worst stomach cramp ever! Damn that good session we spent on the stomach on monday!!! Also whilst chatting to Maddsy, we decided that we were gonna knock a wall down in my house, and board up one of the side windows, and then have a 50″ plasma TV hung where the window should be! But not thinking bout it properly… the only wall we can knock down, happens to be the only wall that I have cupboards on, and am able to have cupboards on

p.s. Maddsy is now chairperson of Dumsa! The dumb peoples version of Mensa, where an IQ of under 10 is needed

So yesterday was quiet without Geoffrey, or so we thought it would be! Turned out to be pretty busy! With people chucking designs and quotes at me like the old days! Before the “system” was put in place This system is one Geoffrey swears by, and kicks a fuss when people dont stick to it! So everything must be written down on a report sheet, left in the tray for me to do, then once i’ve done the report sheet, he gets it to check. Then I get it back, and can follow the instructions left by the person wanting the things doing – Maddsy, Robot or Geoffrey! Well yesterday, I just had files chucked at me, with bits of paper stappled to the front with instructions on and alsorts! Pretty much chaos at one point, with Mark, Wendy and Maddsy all wanting something doing there and then

Went over to the gym to meet John, but got there a little late, as I bumped into Shaun, who really couldnt remember much about the night of the presentation! He didnt realise that I’d got in a taxi with him, Howsey and Caney, and that I was with them most of the night Also he told me about the maccas getting into fights and that, and that he woke up with Caneys phone in his hand HAHAHA! Was a quick session last night, on the shoulders, and its defo having an effect! Before when I was struggling I couldnt seem to find the strength to do the last few reps but now, I now seem more resilient HAHA!

Went over to my mums, and had a bite to eat and that, and got on the phone to Maddsy, who asked if I was going out tonight, which I thought was odd! He said if I was going out he’d appreciate it if I could nip to the shop and get him 10 Lambert, as Stevie was at work, and he was stuck in the house with the kids! So me being the diamond geezer I am, I said give me 20 minutes and i’ll be over (I was gonna be a tosser and forget the fags) When I got there I was greeted with a “Dont go in the lounge, Jessicas thrown up everywhere!” and it stunk! Kieran decided to cry his eyes out for some reason, so ended up entertaining him for the best part of an hour, whilst maddsy was on clean-up duty!

Got home, and started watching Copa America! That means a few more sleep-less nights hahaha! Tonight is Maxxd footy, but going to the gym early so we can have an hour, and then head over to footy

Here is a link to the Italian restaurant that we shall be eating at on the final day in Bratislava! I dont think it’ll look much like that when we leave tho PAPARAZZI

Looks too posh for riff-raff like us HAHAHA

Love a bit of rain me! Probably more so than the next man! Or the people who’s houses have been flooded with the downpours these last few days, but still! Quite enjoy the patter of the rain on the window! Find it quite relaxing, and also cant beat playing football in the rain, cos then you can slide for miles hehehe!

Altho it did piss me off slightly at 5 yesterday morning, when it was pounding against my bedroom window, and it was that noisy, that I decided to get up and watch a bit of telly with a coffee. Got to work and everything seemed fine, but as the time grew closer to 9 it appeared all was not well! There was no Geoffrey HAHA!! Turns out he’d almost been flooded in, and altho he phoned Maddsy to say he wouldnt be in, he was in about half 10ish cos he came on the bus! Booooo! Was interesting seeing all the photos on maxxd from round Mansfield and that where there was major flooding! Funny comment of the day came from Maddsy… when he asked where the rain came from! So we gave him a quick lesson on how rain comes about HAHAHA
Got home, and watched a bit of Vengeance Night of the Champions with some tea, and then headed over to the Gym to meet John! Finally sorted my bank details out (and get John a free month for reccomending me), altho for some reason I’d forgot my normal bank card, and tried to use my credit card, for which I cant remember what the pin code is The gym was emptyish around 7:15 so we had a nice steady work out on the chest, and a different stomach routine to the normal sit-ups! Can say i’m feeling better each day I go visit now, and it seems to be working

Got home to watch the last fight of Vengeance, and then messed around getting the final few things off my computer and onto my portable hard-drive ready for re-formatting whilst chatting to John and thinking of ways of saving his music in itunes, due to the fact next time he syncs with his computer he’ll lose the songs in itunes!

Thought fuck this, after having to restart my computer twice in about 10 minutes, cos nothing seemed to respond, so formatted it whilst watching “The Real Football Factories International” Holy shit what an episode! Danny Dyer was in Brazil… and the hooliganism over there is unreal! Its on another level. Guns are rife, and you have people who are willing to die for their team, quite literally, and they think nothing of killing someone if it means saving their own life! Hell the bus Danny was on even came under gunfire, with 3 shots just missing this guy on the bus Roll on next weeks episode

This morning Geoffrey has rung up, and said he aint gonna try and get to work this morning! So a quiet day is expected hehehe

We’re not having here! Whilst it’s 40 odd degrees over in Bahrain, and roughly 39 degrees over in Paphos… We’ve had a slight downpour!

Chesterfield earlier on thanks to Lizzie Who got stuck in traffic on her way back from Sheffield

These photos courtesy of My mate Ol$tar! More piccies can be found in his gallery
I think the rain ties in perfectly with the start of Wimbledon! As it always rains during the two weeks of tennis, so much so, that they normally coax Cliff Richard out of retirement so he can entertain the masses on Centre Court with a few classics

Me personally… I love a bit of rain hehehe

Mr Kirk how come we were never involved in anything like this at Jo Whit

Rainworth-based, Joseph Whitaker School, is set to take pole position on the grid when it competes against over 40 East Midlands Schools at the national Formula Schools competition on Silverstone race track tomorrow (Thursday).

The pre-judging event, held recently at Quarrydale School, Sutton, saw 14 schools compete to gain marks towards the Silverstone race day.

Marks were awarded against a number of categories including the engineering of their scale model race car and how well the pupils had worked together as a team.

Joseph Whitaker School scored 77 per cent placing them in the top two schools in the region.

Paul Gray, technology teacher and head of the project at Joseph Whitaker School said: “The marks gained were a huge improvement on last year and considering the pupils were much younger than the previous year, with an average age of 14, we were delighted with the mark gained.

“I think part of the extra effort put in by the pupils was down to their involvement with MEIRG, they invited us to attend the Autosports Show with them this year and it allowed the pupils access to top engineers and motorsport professionals who advised them on the latest composite materials as well as how and where to source parts for their race car.

“In fact, many of the top names in remote control racing have been involved with the team since the Show.”

At Silverstone all the pupils take part in two qualifying heats and if they get through, two final events.

The points gained at race day, combined with the points awarded at the pre-qualifying event go on to decide the overall winning school.

Chris Wilson, from MEIRG who sponsored Joseph Whitaker School, added; “It’s a delight to see the children take the event so seriously and act so professionally.

“They had to write and deliver a presentation on how they designed their car, right through to how they got the sponsorship.

“They did well to impress the judges. We wish them luck at Silverstone and look forward to seeing them perform on the day.”

MEIRG is a project which aims to retrain, retain and redeploy the East Midlands engineering workforce as well as encourage young people into the sector.